Sentimental Sunday: Frozen in the Dregs of Dreams

My mind will reel
My heart will pound
Each time my mind
Begins the sounds

The terror thuds
within my chest
It plagues my mind
Fresh from its rest

My fingers long
To claw the air
To thrash out at
The monster there

Sometimes escapes
A gasping cry
My tightening throat
So raw and dry

Powerless
I lie in wait
No way to fight
this looming fate

With certainty
This is the end
Then suddenly
I move again

The fear subsides
And all is well
Except those moments
Spent in hell

Counting

The tension of moments

Crawling toward a purpose

How our hearts pound

And redden our surface

But deeper inside

It’s more like combustion

A slow kind of smolder

A helpless reduction

Consumed by the coming

Whether it’s good or not

Inside, just the same

Your tying in knots

Until just the minute

It all comes to pass

It seems insurmountable

Impossibly vast

Then passes the moment

And finally it’s done

Time to find out

Just what you’ve become

Disquiet

Each moment a button to sound the alarm

Each corner potential for danger and harm

Each verbal exchange potential for ruin

Each day a towel that should have been threw in

 

Each night full of hours replaying my day

What did I do what did I say?

Did I exile myself from all that I know

Is tomorrow a bomb just waiting to blow

 

What if they find out I don’t know what I’m doing

What if my next move is catastrophe brewing

How can I sleep knowing what may be coming

What gives it the power to which I’m succumbing

 

I cannot control it, ‘cause it controls me

I want more than anything just to be free

Not to worry or ruminate on my mistakes

Not to panic ‘til driven to sweating and shakes

 

No way to be clear on just what I feel

Some don’t even think these feelings are real

That they are excuses for sitting at home

That I’m lazy not that I feel trapped in a gloam

 

Please be patient with me, I’m trying my best

It’s so hard with this weight that lives in my chest

If I reach out just try to lend me a hand

And if I don’t, I hope that you understand

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